A three year old’s desire to paint her fingernails and a three year old’s desire to eat “junk” food are powerfully related. My daughter has been asking to paint her nails for at least a year now. As a mother I refused to accept she is old enough to put any type of cosmetic product on her body. After all she is only three, right?
This is the problem- she leaves my home. I cannot shelter her from the influences of the outside world.
Outside Influences:
- She sees other adults and children with nail polish.
- She sees other adults and children eating food I typically do not purchase or serve in my home.
- Other people offer to paint her nails.
- Other people offer her food I normally would not consider buying, serving or eating.
Her Reaction:
One day she came out of her “work room” with her nails painted many colors with markers. I soon realized, if I try to shelter her from nail polish she will figure out a way to get it and paint her nails.
I look at “junk” food the same way. I have an opportunity to teach her how to self regulate food and make healthy choices. If I shelter her from the food she sees other children eating, she may develop a mistrust association with me and food. I do not want to give junk food that much power.
After she was introduced to the nail polish it was a constant hit for 3 days. I now leave it in a place where she has full access to it. I took the power away and it is now an after thought. This theory can work with “junk” food as well.
Free Range of Popsicles!
I offer my child a “store” bought popsicle one time per day. She can decide when she wants to eat it. She can even eat it before a meal but she ONLY gets one. The stash is not out of her reach as she has full access to it. I am teaching her self control and trust at the same time. She knows I trust her to follow the rules and believe it or not- it works! I learned this theory from Dr. Dina Rose after reading “Lollypops Whenever They Want” (thank you!!!).
According to the The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition children who are forbidden “junk” food will only have a stronger desire to eat those foods. The article sites studies reporting that restricting access to foods may increase the child’s preferences and intake of the restricted foods while diminishing self-control in eating. – “the forbidden fruit” theory.
I am sure if you think of a non-food situation (nail polish) in your home, you may see the same pattern. I tried the “free range” lollypop theory with popsicles and nail polish. Yes, it works!!! The power is gone and my daughter controls her consumption. A great lesson for myself and her to say the least!
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Great post Clancy – I found the results of the study so interesting. It is so true though. Kids will find a way if they really want something (whether it’s nail polish or a candy) and they will grow up soon enough, leave home and make their own choices. We can just do our best to educate them about healthy choices (food and lifestyle) and hope they will take this with them.
So true indeed! I know I was raised in a junk-food-forbidden home and the sugary sweets (including sodas, cookies, candies, chips, etc. which my parents limited or prohibited while they consumed as they desired) only made me crave such things. At friends’ homes parents would often offer carte blanche junk food, which I greedily consumed because I MUST “stock up” if I can’t have it at home.
It took me until college and living out on my own when I could really eat whatever whenever to break me of that urge to chow down junk food. Now I rarely drink soda, and really don’t care for it anymore, same with sweets, and my sense of what candy/desserts tastes good now is much more refined and I don’t want every blessed sugary thing that passes before me.
Also what helped break the sugary & salty junk food cravings was discovering just how flavorful I could make healthy food on my own. My parents never used seasonings, and once the notion of salt and butter being “bad” started circulating, they didn’t add it to food either, so the result was VERY VERY bland regular food, which they supplemented, unwittingly, by hitting up the junk food later. Now I realize healthy food doesn’t have to taste like plain over-steamed broccoli and boiled chicken, and I actually like it.
My daughter is four. She’s very tall and slender for her age and gets lots of physical activity. I don’t really care if she eats junk food from time to time as long as she eats real food too. She always eats whatever we are eating–something richly flavorful with a variety of vegetables and fresh herbs. She does love her M&M rewards for a job particularly well done, but by and large, she doesn’t care to eat nearly as much as I wanted to as a kid.
What a great way to teach many things to your daughter. I love it.
It is hard to know what to do for the best, but I think you have a great way of teaching your daughter, more power to you
I agree with your food approach. We eat pretty healthy so treats are definitely treats. The kids get them every now & then but they aren’t expected. I notice the kids get more excited about treats now since I regulate the amount they get at home. I’ve also introduced a lot of healthy options as desserts and the kids are enjoying them. This also allows the kids to splurge and have food I don’t buy at school parties and sleepovers. It’s working so far
I am amazed at how much junk food children eat now it can be so bad for your skin, teeth and well everything really! I think you are on the right track with your daughter.
Clancy, I was like this for a while and like you noticed that if I didn’t offer some sort of junk food, and other things I didn’t want my children to use/learn about they’d get it somewhere else. I think for me it was important that if they were going to get it/do it/ eat it anyways, it’s better for them to experience it from our home and with my guidance. Also like you found out, after I started allowing/offering certain things they became less of an “extreme” need and more of OK so that wasn’t that great type thing. I believe it’s easier to teach moderation and picking healthy “junk food” than to forbid and let someone else do it.
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